Never Paradise Lost
by Rebecca Bookie
Summary: I'm new at this so just give me a chance. I Love the Private books. My story is about where Reed left off with in the first chapter of the book. This is what I see going on in my head when I read the first chapter. made some changes to the book.
1. Chapter 1

I turned and started down the hall, my footsteps heavy. A few doors

down, I paused and looked over my shoulder. He was still standing

there, watching me. Watching me walk away from him. "Keep me

posted, okay? On how she's doing."

"I promise."

So there it was. Goodbye. I was going to be strong. I was not going

to pine and whine and wish. I was going to be good. For me, for Josh,

and for Ivy. That was my promise to myself.


	2. Don't look back

So there it was. Goodbye. I was going to be strong. I was not going

to pine and whine and wish. I was going to be good. For me, for Josh,

and for Ivy. That was my promise to myself.

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I could still feel Josh gaze burn my back as I walked towards the waiting room. My head still hurt, my feet were killing me from these shoes, but not as much as my heart was aching. God, I wished things were different. Different between me and Noelle, me and life, and most of all me and Josh. Now he knows the truth, he knows everything but that's still now enough. And here I promised myself that I was going to be good, and the only thing I wanted to do was throw myself in Josh's arms. Kiss him, and demand he takes me back. Oh God! How my heart hurts.

Breathe deep I told myself, take a deep breath and try not to burst into Tears.

With my heels clicking on the ground almost to the waiting room I stopped. Urging myself not to look back, not to look back at the guy I gave my heart to.

He has someone else I told myself. He has Ivy, the girl who I hated every since he stole my Josh away, but also the same girl I grew to like over the past day for teaming up and working together to find Cheyenne's killer and our stalker. Sabine.

I inwardly shuttered remembering her face as I confronted her. So much hatred and loathing in her eyes. It couldn't be real. The girl I trusted as my best friend, my once ago roommate. This all seamed unreal like I was going to wake soon and this was all going to be a bad nightmare. But it wasn't.

I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes. Hold it back I told myself. Do not cry.

Deep breath. Take a deeeeep breath; I wasn't going to cave now. I was going to be good. Keep true to my promise, not going to let anyone down.

With another breath, I encouraged myself not to look back but keep moving forwards towards the students from Easton Academy, towards awaiting eyes, towards my friends.

I hope you like it please review 

+Rebeccabookie


	3. So Not Ok

Deep breath. Take a deeeeep breath; I wasn't going to cave now. I was going to be good. Keep true to my promise, not going to let anyone down.

With another breath, I encouraged myself not to look back but keep moving forwards towards the students from Easton Academy, towards awaiting eyes, towards my friends.

When I began walking forward again, almost reaching the waiting room Noelle caught my eye and began to stand moving towards me.

Now every eye was on me. Everyone was frozen, tense, no sound escaping them except the inhale and exhale of breath.

I could only hear the faint buzz of the lights and the soft murmur of two nurses talking, giving two waiting parents news of their beloved.

When Noelle met me half way, she looked me strait in the eyes taking both my frozen hands in hers.

"Reed- I'm sorry" Noelle whispered to me.

My eyes were still glazed, and my mind still unfocussed right now not catching up with the present.

"Reed?" Noelle said shaking me a little trying break my trance. My eyes slowly traced to hers.

"Reed?" Noelle repeated saying my name getting a tad annoyed.

I cleared my throat and shook my head still trying to come out of my daze. Taking my hands back and rapping them around myself as if trying to hold myself together.

"She- she is going to be ok" I told her in a strained voice. "Josh said she's going to make it."

Noelle looked at me like she was trying to figure something out. Like whether or not to tell me something.

"Reed, are you ok?" Noelle asked before I could ask her why she was looking at me strangely.

God I really hate people asking me that! And here you would think, after all this shit has happened you really think I am ok! After two fucking people tried to kill me! After all it's my fault that Ivy is now lying unconscious in a hospital bed with a gunshot wound that was meant for me! You really think I'm FUCKING OK!! I wanted scream at her.

Instead I clenched and ground my teeth together for a second and then relaxed. She was only asking because she cared for me I told myself. Just relax.

"Yeah I'm fine" I told her looking towards the awaiting eyes that where waiting for some news on Ivy's behalf "Just let me tell the rest of them what happened"

"Yeah" Noelle told me, taking my arm in hers. "Then I'm taking you back"

"Ok" I whispered Turing towards the waiting room.

I hope you like it! I know these are short but I will be updating more chapters often.

Please Review!

+Rebecca Bookie

P.S. that's not my real name. It's Rebecca Jackson but I'm just using it as a writing name.


	4. Well Shes Going To Be Fine

**"Yeah I'm fine" I told her looking towards the awaiting eyes that where waiting for some news on Ivy's behalf "Just let me tell the rest of them what happened"**

**"Yeah" Noelle told me, taking my arm in hers. "Then I'm taking you back"**

**"Ok" I whispered Turing towards the waiting room.**

When I arrived in the waiting room the first person who caught my eye was Gage. He was sitting laid back in a brown love seat texting on his phone.

When he saw that I had come in the room with Noelle, he sat up and tucked his phone away in his pocket.

"So...?" he said looking Grim. Even though Gage was a slime ball, he can be sincere at times. Plus he had a soft stop when it came to Ivy. I had no idea what he even saw in her.

My body started to shake. For the cold or just being nervous I didn't know.

I took my arm back from Noelle and rapped my arms around myself tightly.

I looked at everyone's faces that had come to support Ivy.

My friends, the Billings Girls, the Kelter boys, and some people I've seen before but just can't remember their names.

Noelle had shifted away from me to stand next to Trey and Astrid looking at me expectantly waiting for me to start.

My mouth felt like cotton and my throat felt like someone scrubbed it with sand.

I took a breath and relaxed, ready to spill the beans about Ivy.

"Josh said that the bullet went through her upper shoulder."

I could hear some people suck in breath. Gage just slid his gaze down to the floor and ran his hands through his stick straight gelled hair.

"She lost a lot of blood and is unconscious right now" I stated again. "But she will make full recovery"

"God, I can't believe this happened." Astrid said. A few people muttered in agreement.

I heard Amberly start to say "OMG I can't believe I was this freak's roommate. She could have killed me."

Gee all about Amberly. There should be a show about snotty blonde rich kids that has their noses stuck up their asses. She would be the center of it.

I bit my tongue back from saying a rude remark but Constance already beat me to it.

Wow, go Constance; I didn't know she had it in here. Being all shy and stuff I think Billing had made her into a new person, or it might be that Noelle was rubbing off on her.

Noelle just smirked at her comeback.

Well I got that out. Now everyone knows she's not going to die now. All I wanted to do was to go back and sleep in a nice comfy bed. With being in Billing and sharing the same room with Sabine, still freaks me out just thinking about it now. Now that I was in another room, another dorm, my bed that she touched and sabotaged didn't seem to fit either in being comfy.

How about going home? Now that was in idea.

**I hope you like it. Please review soon.**

**+Rebecca Bookie**


	5. Kissing Ivy

Well I got that out. Now everyone knows she's not going to die now. All I wanted to do was to go back and sleep in a nice comfy bed. With being in Billing and sharing the same room with Sabine, still freaks me out just thinking about it now. Now that I was in another room, another dorm, my bed that she touched and sabotaged didn't seem to fit either in being comfy. How about going home? Now that was in idea.

______________________________________________________________________________

"You Ready?" Noelle asked me when she came to stand by me again.

"Yeah" I said tucking my hands in my pockets, turning to start down the hall that I came in from.

I could feel the rest of everyone's eyes, glued on my back as I retreated.

"Reed we need to talk." Noelle told me after we were out of hearing range.

"Look I don't not right now. I just...I just want to get back and go to sleep." I told her tiredly.

"Reed we will talk, you need to get this off your chest. Plus we need to talk about other things too." She told me.

"Just not right now." I said getting a little annoyed.

When I came across Ivy's room again I froze and peered inside.

Josh was stroking her hand with his looking down at her like they where meant to be together. Like they were soul mates.

This made me sick. How could he do this to me? Right after he broke up with me he started dating Ivy. He confessed his love to me over and over. He expressed his love to me just by the way he looked at me, but how could he do this to me? Didn't I mean anything to him?

Just then he bent down to kiss her forehead and I had to turn away .It hurt way too much.

I moved and put my hand on the wall next to the room to hold me up.

Noelle moved away from the Ivy's room towards me.

"Just forget about him Reed, he doesn't deserve you." Noelle said with a sorry look.

More like I didn't deserve him I thought.

"Let's just go." I told her in a hoarse voice.

"Reed?" Noelle asked me sounding anxious.

I turned and looked at her.

She shook her head slowly "You're a mess. Let's just get back. You need a hot shower and lots of beauty sleep."

"Sure." I said in a low voice, turning and walking down the hall to the parking lot.

The rest of the walk to her car was silent. I didn't talk to her and she didn't talk to me.

**We approached her black 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL-Class she stopped and faced me.**

"**In the car we talk, no more excuses." She demanded, pointing her well manicured fingernail at me.**

**She unlocked the car and I got in and shut the door a little hard.**

"**Well what do you want to ask me?" I asked her. **

**I wasn't in the mood to talk. Let alone talk about the 'Situation' with Josh and Sabine.**

**She turned on the car and pulled out of the parking lot. ** "**I think you need to talk to someone." She said slowly**

"**I'm already am." I told her annoyed. **

"**No, Reed I mean like professional,"** **Before I told her that it was a shitty idea she was speaking again.** "**Reed you're a wreck. You look sick, a little on the anorexic side, and I can't believe you didn't even come to me about all this."**

**I thought for a second. "How could I? You hated me for almost sleeping with your boyfriend. You kicked me out of Billings and you ignored me. Every time I tried to talk to you, you shut me out. "**

**I could see her hands tighten on the steering wheel.**

"**I'm Sorry Reed; if I would have known what that Sabine bitch did I would have been there for you. You were my friend and I thought you fucked with my boyfriend, give me some slack here." She told me **

**I moaned "I'm still now talking to a therapist" I told her.**

"**Fine, but you are going to talk to me. You promise Reed? I don't want to see you go crazy and try to hurt yourself."**

**I huffed "I won't."**

"**Look were almost here, let's just go back to Billings and sleep."**

**Billings? Did that mean I'm back in?** **______________________________________________________________________________**

**I hope you like it. Please Review. **

Rebecca Bookie


	6. Billing’s Memories

I moaned "I'm still now talking to a therapist" I told her.

"Fine, but you are going to talk to me. You promise Reed? I don't want to see you go crazy and try to hurt yourself."

I huffed "I won't."

"Look were almost here, let's just go back to Billings and sleep."

Billings? Did that mean I'm back in?

____________________________________________________

"Everyone's staring at me" I said getting out of Noelle's car.

"Let them. You have nothing to worry about, you didn't kill anyone. Besides if they give you shit come to me, you know I love to get even." Noelle said with a shrug.

More and more people gathered around the parking lot staring at me while we made our way over towards Billings.

"Why am I going to Billings? It's not like I belong there, you guys kicked me out remember?" I said anxiously.

Noelle just smirked waving my question off. "We all voted you back in. Happy?"

Was I? With all the agony, fright and, heartache I've been put through, was I sure I wanted to be back in? I didn't want to sleep in the same room that I shared with Sabine before I was kicked out of Billings. Plus there was no way in HELL I was rooming Amberly. Fuck that.

"Look Noelle, I don't think I want to be back in Billings. I can't stand the Hostile drama, and two people from Billings tried to kill me and almost succeeded."

Noelle just looked at me.

"Reed, Billings is YOUR home, you belong there." She said slowly.

"Still, I don't want to go back living in the same wary room, especially not with Amberly." I told her starting to get heated.

"OMG, Reed you really think I'm going to put you in the same room that you and your stalker shared? I'm not that bitchy, and I don't want to torment you like that." She looked at me angrily.

"You're rooming with Astrid, besides you can't back out now, we already put your stuff in your room." She said with a grin on her face.

"I really loved shopping for your room, after the way your room was left… let's just say, this is your welcoming home present from me." Noelle said laughing a little.

"Fine but no drama, I can't deal with it right now." Noelle just rolled her eyes at me.

You can't live in Billing's without drama I thought.

When we reached the steps of Billing's, I took a deep breath.

This was the one place I called home. The one place I felt like I belonged.

I was having flashbacks of all good and bad times when I've been in Billing's. The laughter, the parties, finding Cheyenne cold and laying still on her bedroom floor. I shuddered remembering that day. I had been woken up by a piercing scream of a Billings girl.

"Reed?" Noelle looked back at me.

I hadn't noticed I stopped that long for her to notice me frozen in place.

"Yeah?" I said looking up at her.

She had her Key card out ready to open the door.

"It's all going to be fine." She said looking down at me,

"I know." I breathed a sigh.

She turned around and slid her key card in the door opener.

"Surprise!!!!!" The Billing's girls jumped out of their hiding places and screamed at me, when Noelle opened the door.

They sure know how to kick off a good party I thought.

Please Review!!

I know its short but I will be writing another chapter soon today. I love all the helpful reviews to help me write my story better, but I'm still not there on the long chapters you guys wanted, sorry. I hope you like this chapter!!

+ Rebecca Bookie


	7. Not So Welcoming Billings Night

**"It's all going to be fine." She said looking down at me,**

**"I know." I breathed a sigh.**

**She turned around and slid her key card in the door opener.**

**"Surprise!!!!!" The Billing's girls jumped out of their hiding places and screamed at me, when Noelle opened the door.**

**They sure know how to kick off a good party I thought.**

**

* * *

  
**

"Welcome back Reed!" The billings girls yelled at me crowding around me.

I turned and looked at Noelle. She had one of the biggest smiles on her face.

She took a champagne glass and held it up to me giving me a silent toast.

I turned back to the Billings girls.

"How- how did you get here before us?" I said confused.

"We took a short way home, and we did kind of speed." Astrid said in her British accent.

"You guys, I don't know what to say" I told them looking bewildered.

"This is our way of apologizing for kicking you out of Billings, if we known what truly happened you would still have been here." Constance said coming forward to stand by Astrid.

"So you just relax have fun, this is your night!" Noelle said coming forward handing be a bubbling glass of champagne.

I followed her as she turned and began walking towards the living room.

All the furniture was rearranged from the last time I've been here.

The couches where all pushed against the wall, giving the center more room.

I did a double take when I saw two massage tables with two petite brunette masseuses, standing by a table that held a lot of different oils.

The coffee table held finger food that made my mouth water just looking at it. Different kinds of chocolate over flowed an oval bowl, strawberries that looked so ripe seemed like it was just been picked.

Noelle walked around me, sitting down in chair and stuck her feet in a white bowl of steaming water.

"ummm this feels so good" She said moaning "Reed you should join me." She said taking a sip of her champagne.

I took off my heels and sat down in a arm chair next to Noelle.

The other Billings girls sat down across from me, biting into juicy fruit and nibbling on foreign imported chocolates.

When I lifted my feet and let them slide into the water I let out a moan that was louder that Noelle's.

God it felt so good. The steaming water was taking my aches and pains away from wearing heels the whole night. This felt like heaven.

"So Reed?" Astrid began. I almost didn't hear her because the water was making me so relaxed.

"Reed, do you like that were roommates?" Astrid said.

I blinked and looked at her. With a smile on my face I nodded. That was all I could do because the sensation of the water was still taking over my senses.

When the two masseuses came over and took both of our feet out of the water and starting massaging our feet Constance began to say something.

"I can't wait to go to St. Barts. Whitt will be coming up from New York to stay with us." She said blissfully.

"I know." Rose said. "I still have to go shopping to pick out my bikinis that I'm going to wear."

"Where are you spending your Christmas vacation at Reed? At home?" Missy asked me.

Wow she still hates me. Before I had time to answer,

Noelle said "Actually Reed is going with us to St. Barts."

"I am?" I asked. I knew I was invited to go before our out fall but I didn't know she still wanted me to go.

"Yeah, why wouldn't you? Do you have anywhere else you want to be?" She said looking at me.

"Besides it a couple of weeks we get away from this hell hole that we get to spend in paradise." She said dreamily.

"Where we can just relax, shop, sip on divine drinks while where sun bathing by the ocean, party on beaches, and hit on hot half dressed guys." She said with a wink.

I didn't think I would be I would be checking out guy any time soon. I thought remembering Josh.

I faked yawned and stretched.

"Thank you for this most relaxing evening" I said removing my feet from the masseuses as I thanked her for the amazing massage.

"I'm tired and I really want to go to bed if that's alright."

Noelle just sighed "Reed you sure? Just stay with us for another minute"

I knew if I stayed another minute that it would turn into an hour.

"Look, I'll see you in the morning, goodnight" I told all of them retreating and making my way over and up the stairs.

When I came by my old room I stopped opened the door slowly.

Memories where soaring through my head of all the times Sabine and I spent in there.

Goose bumps started to form on both my arms.

The room was dark all of Sabine's belonging on her side where all crammed in boxes next to her not so long ago bed.

I had a bone deep chill as if a ghost was inside the room watching me. Waiting for me.

"Boo!" Someone hollered behind me.

I gasped and spun around so fast I had to hold onto the door knob to keep from falling on my face. My heart was racing so fast I thought I might have a heart attack.

Amberly that bitch. She just chuckled looking at me like I was a bug on her shoe that she was about to squash.

"Oh, did I scare you?" she said with a smirked putting her hand to her chest.

"Sorry" she said with a laugh in her eyes.

I didn't see her downstairs at the party so I thought she wasn't at school, but I was wrong.

"Just because your back living here doesn't mean I can't take you down. You don't belong here. I see what you're doing, using Noelle. I swear to my Billings sisters that I will make your life a living hell" She said stalking twards me.

I was frozen. I couldn't move. I didn't know what to say, my mouth felt like it was sealed with 15 pounds of bricks.

Amberly walked passed me slamming the door on my face.

Oh god, I thought walking zombie like towards Astrid's and my room.

Not again.

I opened the door and laid sprawled out on my new bed think about what just happened.

My phone began to vibrate. I picked it up. It was a text message. I was scared. What if it was Sabine I thought. What if she came back for me.

I opened the text.

_**From Josh:**_

_**Reed hey good news, Ivy's awake. I'll call you soon. **_

I really think that Paradise has turned into Paradise lost. I thought shutting my eyes.

* * *

+ I hope you like it. It's longer than my other chapters just like you guys wanted. 

+Please review; tell me what you think is going too happen when Josh calls Reed.

Rebecca Bookie 


	8. Lost Dream

Not again.

I opened the door and laid sprawled out on my new bed think about what just happened.

My phone began to vibrate. I picked it up. It was a text message. I was scared. What if it was Sabine I thought. What if she came back for me.

I opened the text.

_**From Josh:**_

_**Reed hey good news, Ivy's awake. I'll call you soon. **_

_**

* * *

  
**_

I really think that Paradise has turned into Paradise lost. I thought shutting my eyes.

"Josh…" we were laying down on a woolen blanket in a deserted park. Nobody was around us on this bright warm day, not a single person. This was wonderful. So right. So perfect.

This couldn't get any better I thought as stared into the bright green/blue eyes of my true love.

He was stroking my hand lightly in his. So much love and desire showed in his eyes as he looked into mine.

I was breath taken by his beauty. His soft blond curls tumbled over his eyebrows, swaying slightly as the fresh cool air wafted around us.

He smiled lightly and reached down to give the back of my hand a light kiss.

My body shivered slightly as an effect to his small kiss. No one could affect me the way Josh did.

"Josh" I said again. Looking into his eye's again. My voice sounded warm and soothing.

"I love you"

His eyes glowed with such compassion I could melt.

He leaned in towards me to hover his lips above mine. Just a few scant inches separating between us.

"I love you too" He said softly before he brought his lips closer to mine….

"Reed!" someone shouted.

One more minute I thought trying to pick up where I left off with Josh and our almost, not yet kiss.

"Reed!" the voiced bellowed growing louder.

God! Why now! Of all the parts in dreams why does the good parts have to be interrupted!

"Reed you need to start getting up we have breakfast in 30!" I peered out from under my blankets and found Noelle crossed armed, and standing in front of me already dressed in expensive attire.

"I'll go later" I mumbled nestling back into the warmth of my blankets.

A second later the blankets were ripped of my body, leaving me cold and helpless as Noelle dragged me out of bed.

"You're making your comeback today and you need to look hot, so get up and get dressed. I already picked out something for you." Noelle said dragging be towards the bathroom.

"Take a shower and do something to your hair." Noelle said turning around and heading ot my bedroom door.

"See you in 30 she said with a smile." She said as she disappeared out the door.

About 25 agonizing long minutes of pampering and getting myself ready I was staring at myself in a long full glass mirror.

Noelle had picked out a black calf leather boots, a knit beret, a cashmere scarf, a platinum cropped trench coat, and, a pair of black sequin patch skinny jeans.

Noelle really out did herself on this one I thought admiring myself in the mirror.

Noelle came into the room once more "Reed you ready everyone's waiting for you we need to go."

"Yeah." I said with a smile on my face tearing my eyes from my figure in the mirror to look at her.

We walked down towards the front door. Sure enough all the Billing girls were waiting for me.

"Let's go." Noelle said leading the way towards the dining hall with me by her side and the rest of the billings girls following close behind her.

When we reached the dining hall and opened the door the once ago loud room was filled with silence as everyone turned and looked at us.

My cheeks were aflame as I walked towards the breakfast line.

"Reed" someone behind me called my name.

I slowly turned around and looked into the fresh face of Joshua Hollis.

* * *

I'm sorry I didn't write for a while. I will update soon this week again.

Please review and tell me what you think Josh is going to say to Reed.

P.S. I looked up some of the major designers to pick out Reed's outfit.

+Rebecca Bookie


	9. Not The Art Cemetery

"Let's go." Noelle said leading the way towards the dining hall with me by her side and the rest of the billings girls following close behind her.

When we reached the dining hall and opened the door the once ago loud room was filled with silence as everyone turned and looked at us.

My cheeks were aflame as I walked towards the breakfast line.

"Reed" someone behind me called my name.

I slowly turned around and looked into the fresh face of Joshua Hollis.

* * *

OMG I thought turning around to see Josh right in front of me. I thought he would have stayed with Ivy longer at the hospital. This caught me off guard.

"Ah hey" I said a little weak looking at him confused.

"Reed, how are you holding up?" He asked with a worry look on his face.

"Well I'm still alive" I said with a small laugh.

Josh looked down at his feet "yeah"

He still was looking down at his feet, shuffling them slightly.

"Umm" I said tiring to somehow start a conversation again.

"I was going to call you" Josh started, looking up at me again and grabbing a tray off the cart. "But since I was going to be at school today and it was late last night, I decided to wait."

"Oh…" God I couldn't even keep a conversation with him. I was hoping I would have at least a day to figure out what I was going to say to him, but I guess I didn't get lucky.

"So Ivy is awake now." He said looking at me.

I just retreated my gaze from him and looked at the food I was going to pick up.

"That's good. When will she get out?" I said biting my lip

"The doctors said about a few days, she's going back to Paris still to visit."

Did that mean you're still going with her? I wanted to ask him but decided to keep my mouth shut.

"Ivy wanted to see you" he told me looking at me

"Ok I'll visit her before I leave."

"Leave?" josh asked me in a nervous voice.

"Yeah, Noelle's taking us to St. Barts." I said evenly as I took an apple from the tray in front of me.

Josh breathed out a sigh "Oh, ok."

I was just catching on what he was thinking. Last year when Arianna tried to kill me I had left Easton and Josh behind me and went back home.

Before I could say something back to him, he was already talking again.

"Can…Can we maybe talk later?" Josh asked looking at me again.

"Ah… sure" I said nervously.

"Do you want to sit with me" He asked brightly.

I almost took him up on his offer. I wanted to sit with him but Noelle wanted me to sit with her today at the Billing's table.

I looked over towards the Billing's table. All of them were chatting and laughing. Noelle just looked at me lifting her perfect eyebrow up slightly."

"I can't" I said looking back at him. "But we'll talk later. I promise."

Josh's face fell a little "How about after class, meet me at the art cemetery?"

I had chills thinking about that place.

Cheyenne on top of him, him telling me he would keep my 'slutty secret', plus he took Ivy to 'OUR' place. That was our place. Ours. So many memories shared there between us. Stolen kisses, stolen moments, and he wanted me to go there after he brought Ivy there to OUR PLACE. How about not.

"Umm." Josh saw my hesitation and said. "Fine how about the library? It's going to be empty, so we'll have privacy there. Meet me at three?"

"Sounds good" I said with a tight smile.

I left him standing there looking after me as I headed towards the awaiting billings table.

Every eye was on my back as I came closer to the table. Josh gaze was burning hotter than everyone else's.

All I was thinking about was, what the hell was I'm going to say to Josh when it comes to three.

* * *

I know its short but I wanted to get something in before I go see Friday the 13th at midnight with friends. I'll promise I will write tomorrow since I don't have school. Yes!!

+Rebecca Bookie


	10. I Know What You’re Going Through

Josh's face fell a little "How about after class, meet me at the art cemetery?"

I had chills thinking about that place.

Cheyenne on top of him, him telling me he would keep my 'slutty secret', plus he took Ivy to 'OUR' place. That was our place. Ours. So many memories shared there between us. Stolen kisses, stolen moments, and he wanted me to go there after he brought Ivy there to OUR PLACE. How about not.

"Umm." Josh saw my hesitation and said. "Fine how about the library? It's going to be empty, so we'll have privacy there. Meet me at three?"

"Sounds good" I said with a tight smile.

I left him standing there looking after me as I headed towards the awaiting billings table.

Every eye was on my back as I came closer to the table. Josh gaze was burning hotter than everyone else's.

All I was thinking about was, what the hell was I'm going to say to Josh when it comes to three.

* * *

I was in U.S. History class day dreaming about Josh. I wasn't even paying any attention to what Mr. Gardner was lecturing about. My full attention was completely on Josh.

I looked at the digital red numbers on the clock above the class room door.

2:56pm. God the time couldn't go any faster. Faster awaiting the 'talk' with Josh was soon coming at 3:00pm.

I still had no idea what I was going to say to him. My mind was completely blank. Grr! I've better think of something before it comes to 3:00.

"In the 1920s, Charles Beard and Mary Beard made  
significant contributions to American life in the field of what Miss Brennan?" Mr. Gardner asked me looking across the classroom at me.

I wasn't even paying attention. My mind was still on Josh. I haven't even heard Mr. Gardner speak.

I looked up at him, snapping out of my dreaming moment.

"Yes?" I said

"Did you not just hear the question? I want an answer please." He said in a booming voice.

Everyone was staring at me waiting for me to answer or be humiliated further.

"I think no." I said slowly. Praying that it was a yes or no question he asked.

"Can you tell me why you pick no?" The teacher asked walking slowly towards me.

Great, just what I needed. Why couldn't he just move on to someone else and have them answer the question?

"Because" I said slowly clearing my throat " They, it didn't?" I said stating it more as a question.

Mr. Gardner was right in front of me and was now looking down at me through his oval glasses. He just looked at me questionably and asked the person sitting next to me the same question, still keeping his eyes on me.

"Matthew, in the 1920s, Charles Beard and Mary Beard made significant contributions to American life in the field of what?"

Matthew answered in a clear voice "history."

God this kid was such a teacher's pet I thought.

"Correct answer."

Mr. Gardner went back to lecturing about things I should have been paying attention earlier on because I would have a quiz tomorrow on it.

When the bell rang for end of class Mr. Gardner came to stand in front of me while I was gathering up my books.

He cleared his throat making me look up at him.

"Miss Brennan, I know what you are going through, but you need to concentrate on your studies. Your one of my best students, and I don't want you to… flunk my class, so please get your act together."

Like he knew a damn thing about what I went though! That's bull shit!

"Thank you Mr. Gardner." I said looking at him challenging him to tell me more about how he went though the same thing I had.

I left the class room in search of the one guy who actually knew what I was going through.

* * *

I know its short but I will update in like an hour so don't worry, Josh will definitely be in the next one. Please review!!

+Rebecca Bookie


	11. Rejected Kiss

"Miss Brennan, I know what you are going through, but you need to concentrate on your studies. Your one of my best students, and I don't want you to… flunk my class, so please get your act together."

Like he knew a damn thing about what I went though! That's bull shit!

"Thank you Mr. Gardner." I said looking at him challenging him to tell me more about how he went though the same thing I had.

I left the class room in search of the one guy who actually knew what I was going through.

* * *

When I went to the library I didn't see Josh. The whole library was abandoned and only the librarian and a few students that where engaged in their work, in a study group at one of the tables near the entrance of the library door.

When my eyes scanned the back of the room I saw him in secluded corner. Josh taking out his books from his bag, putting them on the table in front of him.

He looked up straight at me, like he knew I was standing there staring at him. I smiled and waved at him, coming closer towards him.

"Hey" I said settling myself in the seat across from him. He looked really happy to see me.

"I'm sorry I'm a little late, the teacher wanted to talk real quick."

"That's fine, I just got here so I wasn't waiting that long." Josh said as he pulled a paper from him binder.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" I asked curiously.

"I just wanted to talk to you about what…what happened, will all of this" Josh said slowly looking at me.

"Ok, what do you want to know?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"What happened at the legacy with you and Dash?" He asked with a hurt look.

I so did not want to talk about me and Dash almost hooking up. I didn't want to see the hurt look in Josh's eyes as I told him what really happened that night, and not what he witnessed. I didn't want to go back remembering that night where Josh told me he never wanted to see me again.

"I… Sabine gave me drinks one after the other, then we got in another fight." Josh looked down at his pen to avoid my eyes.

"I went back to her after you left me, and she gave me a note that said meet me on the roof. I was mad and hurt and I needed fresh air after what happened between us so I went to the roof."

I knew this next part was going to be hard for him, and I had an urge not to tell him and just leave.

"When I got to the roof, I went to a tent to try to look for the person who sent me the note. I didn't find them and I tripped over something a fell into Dash. There we went into a tent and yeah, that where you found us."

"Did you know what you were doing." He asked me after a few moments.

Did I know what I was doing?

"What part?" I looked over at Josh sadly my voice shaky.

"The part where I didn't want to go back with you, and wanted to stay with my friends? The part where I trusted Sabine? The part where Dash and I almost had sex."

There was tears running down my eyes now, I didn't even try to hold them back.

"Or the part where I came chasing after you and tried to explain and you told me you never wanted to see me again?"

Josh put his elbows on the table and put his hands to his face rubbing his eyes.

"I'm sorry Reed. If I would have known about what happened, then…Then. I'm sorry." He let out a groan.

Josh grabbed my hand with his, making me freeze.

"Reed, will you forgive me?" he said rubbing his thumb across my skin.

I looked at him through my teary eyes.

"There's nothing to forgive. You didn't do anything wrong." I said my voice still hoarse.

Josh took his other hand and started to rub the back of his fingers against my cheek. This felt good. This felt right. I wasn't thinking when I leaned forward.

My lips touched his, and then we were kissing. God how long had I wanted to do this? How long could I've lasted without this? I needed Josh. Now. Forever.

Suddenly he pulled back, leaving me aching for more.

"Reed we can't." Josh said softly.

My heart broke. My mind was now waking up and going over what just happened. He. Just. Rejected. Me. I thought looking into his eyes. My chest felt like it was carved with a six inch knife.

I had to leave. I had to get away before I broke down.

"I… I have to go" I said grabbing up books and shoving them in my bag fast.

"Reed, please just wait." Josh said standing up and trying to get me to look at him.

I put my hand up to stop him from coming any closer to me.

"Goodbye Josh" I said with fresh tears running down my eyes to my cheeks.

His face was twisted with pain and agony as I turned around and left me stand there.

Just one more day I thought to myself. Just one more day until I leave for St. Barts, and then I can leave Josh behind me.

Somehow I knew Josh would never fully leave my life.

* * *

I hope you it. Please review and tell me what you think about my writing and this chapter. I will update sometime tomorrow I promise.

+Rebecca Bookie


	12. PARADISE LOST now available!

PRIVATE #9: PARADISE LOST now available!

As always, the new Private book has been released early online!

You can now get **PRIVATE ** at (shipping within 2-3 days)!

The official release date isn't for a week and a half, so if you're dying to be the first to find out what happens next, here's your chance.

Reed is off to the Caribbean for a little much-deserved fun in the sun with Noelle and the original Billings Girls, Kiran and Taylor as well as some familiar faces from the Private prequel. Don't miss the passion . . . the intrigue . . . the fabulous clothes! :)

I can't wait Did you guys read Privilege Yet? I just started! God I can't wait for it to come out!!!!

I want Josh and Reed back together

I got this from Kate's Blog on MySpace!

I'm updating my chapter soon!!


	13. PL Poison Ivy

"Reed, please just wait." Josh said standing up and trying to get me to look at him.

I put my hand up to stop him from coming any closer to me.

"Goodbye Josh" I said with fresh tears running down my eyes to my cheeks.

His face was twisted with pain and agony as I turned around and left me stand there.

Just one more day I thought to myself. Just one more day until I leave for St. Barts, and then I can leave Josh behind me.

Somehow I knew Josh would never fully leave my life.

* * *

I just wanted to be left alone after what just happened with Josh. I knew I shouldn't have kissed him, but I couldn't help it.

I needed him. He was my shelter, my someone to lean on.

He was the one who got me through tough times with Thomas. And now Josh wasn't my go to person when I was about to breakdown anymore.

The thought of him telling me 'we couldn't' only made me more realize how much Josh was off limits to me, and maybe always will be.

When I got back to Billings Noelle was already waiting for me by the stairs. Four Prada suitcases where aligned in arrow by the foot of the stairs.

"Hey you ready?" Noelle said looking at her phone.

"Yeah, I'm already." I told her closing the door behind me.

"So let's go. Gage and Trey already put your suitcases in the car. They're coming back to get mine now." Noelle said with a bit annoyance to her tone.

"By the way" Noelle looked up from her phone to look at me. "Visiting hours is almost over and you need to see Ivy before we leave."

"What if she doesn't want to see me?" I said slowly.

"Reed, Josh told me that she wanted to see you, so let's go." Noelle said moving towards the door.

Wait so Josh talked to her about me? What else did he say about me? Why did Josh even care? I wanted to ask her so much but decided to keep my mouth close.

Trey and Gage came in the door as soon as Noelle said the last part about Josh telling her Ivy wanted to see me.

I held my breath not sure I was ready for another one of Gage's 'funny' remarks about where I stood with Josh. But when he didn't I was almost sure he didn't hear Noelle. Almost.

Trey lifted two for her suitcases with ease but Gage struggled with his almost dropping one when he made his down the stairs.

"Fuck Noelle are you trying to kill me! What the hell do you shove in this thing bricks?" Gage said with a strained voice.

Noelle just smirked and waved off his remark.

"I'm so ready to get out of this place. I need a break. Those beaches are going to be sweet when I go running. It's nice to have a view once in a while." Trey said blissfully.

"Wait", I said looking over to Noelle. "How many people are coming?"

She laughed "Just the Billing girls…And a few guys."

Oh God I just hope Josh doesn't show up I thought making my way over to her car.

When the guys shoved the rest of Noelle's suitcases into her car, and she paid them each 50 dollars, we took off down the road to the hospital.

Noelle and I didn't talk the whole way there. My mind was on what I was going to say to Ivy. And about the kiss. I couldn't tell her that I kissed him that would only make her hate me more.

God I was screwed.

I got out of the car when we arrived at the hospital. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves down. That didn't work.

"Reed let's go!" Noelle saw my hesitation and pushed me towards the hospital doors. "Look our flight is in an hour so we need to get out of here soon. Look you knew you were going to have to do this sometime and now is your chance. So don't be such a baby, she's not going to be poison ivy."

"Ok, alright" I said trying to stop her pushing me further.

"Look I'm just nervous," I said lowly avoiding her eyes.

"Reed, I understand that, and I'm here for you." Noelle said stopping to look at me. "If I didn't care for you I wouldn't be here."

"I know." I said turning and walking in the door to the hospital.

When I got to her room I stopped. I was just going to get this over with so I could move on.

If she still hated me after all that happened, then I would just leave her alone. Alone with Josh…Yeah. I thought.

I opened the door and peered in "Ivy?" I said with a nervous voice.

She turned her face towards me and smiled. "Reed finally you came"

Well I guess this wouldn't be so bad after all. Or would it?

* * *

Please review! I will update the next chapter in a few hours or left! Just tell me what you think about this one.

P.S. I just got a call and now I have a JOB!!

+Rebecca Bookie


	14. Over

Ok since Paradise lost is coming out in a week I decided I would stop writing my story. I when on to Amazon and I got sneak peek in the book and I found out that

A) Josh isn't in the book except the first chapter guys sorry I'm mad too

B) Reed finds a new guy

C) Dash comes back!!

D) Well if you want to find out more then you have to read for yourselves

I thank all of you who read my story and most of all the people who reviewed and read all of my chapters.

In a few weeks after Paradise comes out then I will be writing a new story! This one I hope you guys will like more!!

Until then,

+Rebecca Bookie


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